I'm overwhelmed with life. And overly paranoid and sensitive about people interacting with me. I know these feelings with go away soon enough, but for now I'm acting very strange because I don't know how to interact with others yet.
I've always been socially awkward. Mostly because I'm awesome and have no issue discussing anything and everything. I'm out spoken and loud. Which equals to being awesome, but I digress.
I feel like there is a neon sign above my head with arrows saying "This person has a mental illness and should be shunned"
I don't want to be shunned! I'm too cool for that! (I'm very humble I know.)
I'm still reserved from how I used to interact with people. I'm not as willing to participate in fun activities. Like last night, my best friend asked me to hang out with her and her boyfriend. Generally, that's not a big deal. I love spending time with her and her boyfriend is pretty legit (that's right, approval has been given.) But 10:30 hit and I was ready for bed. I retreated back into my room. I stay in my room a lot because it's "safe" I don't have a roommate, I don't have to interact with people unless I have to.
It's my shell. I know the signs of me slipping back into depression, but I don't feel like I am at this point. I just like being alone.
I don't want to become overwhelmed to where I do drastic things like stop going to class, or shutting down.
I cannot shut down this semester. Graduation is almost here and I need to finish out strong.
It just seem easier said than done at this point. I have so many expectations of me from my peers and my professors that if I fail, I feel like I would be failing the whole world. Even though I know they wouldn't be disappointed in me if I try my best, it's still just an overwhelming feeling of defeat that is inevitable. And I don't want that. It's hard to keep pushing forward when I'm overly sensitive to how people interact with me.
I just want to go back home where I know it's safe.
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