I feel hopeless. Even helpless these days. Like i'm not worth it, or whatever I do isn't worth doing. I've gained all my weight back, rather rapidly. So I feel disgusted with myself for letting the weight come back. I'm also a swimmer, so I don't really know how to work out on land.
These are not acceptable excuses for my hopeless feelings. I'm just not ready to be a part of the "real world" yet. I want to go back home and keep slowly getting better everyday.
The head of my department asked if I wanted to take the semester off and work on my issues. I would love to do that.
Work on my artwork during the day at the studio, clean the house and start dinner, go sit in the library. That would be wonderful.
But I can't do that. If I do that, I won't ever grow and develop. I need to develop the strength to keep me from falling back into the hell I just left.
My Nana always said "You can do something for a small amount of time"
She's right. I can do the 15 weeks and graduate. I just can't let this overwhelm me. If I isolate myself I'm not doing myself any favors.
I know all these things but I still continue to not listen to my own advice. That seems to be the problem most days. I can give advice, no problem. Taking my own advice, my slim.
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