Foggy Day

I don't know what to talk about today. I'm getting better everyday, including the days I have major set backs. Like two days ago, I cried about five times for no real reason. Just sat down and cried. The next day, I didn't cry once. Today, I feel lethargic. (love that word) I don't want to do anything. One of my best friends asked if I wanted to play board games today. I Said yes, even though I really don't want to do anything today. But I can't keep putting off being interactive with the real world. I have to push through the fog and the comfort of being alone.

I know it's okay to be alone some times. But it's better to be around people, especially people who love you. By sitting around and isolating myself, I'm not doing myself any favors. I'm making it worse for me. I'm just feeding the depression.

I need to break through the fog and find the sunshine. (Mostly because sunshine helps the endorphin's in your brain and make you happy by reacting with the dopamin.... Yep nerd speak, it's gunna happen)

I really want to veg out and watch tv. Stuff my face with comfort food. But that's not going to make me better, it's going to make me fatter and more pissed that I'm not 125 like when I entered college. Granted when I entered college I had just finished 4 years of swim team and had a pretty rockin' bod, but i digress.

I just feel like I'm always in a fog. That no one notices me because I'm easily misplaced. I don't make an impact on anyone. I'm just that short girl on campus who drives that shitty van. (Negative self talk is one of the cues of depression coming back. It'll never fully go away, but you can always work to keep in tack. I struggle with this daily. Negative self talk is more harmful than being negatively talked at by peers in my book. Especially with me since my mind is always racing and always talking.)

I'm not asking for people to go out of their way to recognize me. I just feel slightly useless on this planet.

But that's one thing I need to push through, this negative self talk needs to stop. Now.