Today I have to go back to Sioux City to finish out my senior year. I no longer get to stay in the safety and comfort of my mom's house and studio. I have to go play with the other kids in the real world. I'm scared.
I'm scared I'll relapse and go back into the hell hole I just got done climbing out of.
I'm scared people will see some neon sign above my head that say (in the words of my best friend) "This Bitch Is CRAZY!"
Even though I'm scared, I woke up feeling great. I'm going to have a good day today. I've decided that as soon as I woke up. I felt great, my thoughts weren't racing, I didn't feel rushed. It was peaceful.
I don't get too many peaceful moments in my life. I'm always on edge, be it from over stimulation or my thoughts won't shut up. I'm always on the move, be it physically or mentally. I never get a chance to stop and rest.
I finally got the rest these past few weeks and I don't want to give it up. It feels so wonderful. Very tranquil.
I only have 15 weeks left of my college career. That seems really simple, but for me that feels like a life time. Especially when I have to work with a department that doesn't get me. Thankfully the Psych department is there to fall back on. Along with my two best friends on campus.
It's fun having friends that stick around. I don't get that very often. Usually my "friends" ditch me after a while because I'm too much to handle.
It goes to show you who your real friends are and who aren't. I'm just happy I have two that stick through everything with me. It means a lot to me. A lot more then people expect.
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