One Day at a Time

So I went to two of my three classes yesterday. I had an anxiety attack right before class. I tried my breathing exercise, didn't help. Took a med, kinda helped. Laid down in the fetal position, worked. Weird, I know, but it helped and that's all I asked for.

I did most of studio today too. What made studio weird today was someone who I used to be close to gave me a gold frame what looks really cool, and said it made her think of me. I haven't talked to her since Halloween when we had a fight.

Things like that make me ponder, are they being nice in a way of "peace offering" or are they trying to fuck with me. (I usually pick the former, makes it seem less paranoid)

That gesture today made studio a lot less scary for me. It felt that she lifted the weight off my shoulders because weren't going to have a bad omen over us during class.

I got asked if I was going to produce the same work that I did at home, in this studio class. I honestly don't think I can. The reasoning being, my mom's studio is a safe place. It's a happy place, you're not allowed to be crabby in the studio because that ruins everyone's fun.

The studio on campus isn't safe. It's not a happy place. It's crowded and overly arrogant because you must use your "artsy words" and sound snobbish.

You don't have to use those kind of words in my mom's studio. You can express your work in a free will established environment

I want to go back home. But I won't. I will get more social and better at dealing with the day. It's going to take forever though. Butt I can work through it one day at a time.