Not. Okay.

I am not okay. I don't know what it is, but I am not okay.

Something feels very off mentally. Like something has shifted. I know I'm not okay because I can close me eyes. Imagine myself driving down the road, seeing a semi coming my way, and casually slide over into the other lane into on coming traffic. I open my eyes and think "That doesn't sound too bad, I wouldn't do it."

What the hell!? I wouldn't do it?! I can think of it, what if I do do it?! What then? If I can think this shit up then what's to say I won't do it? I really hope I don't do it. That would really suck.

It just slightly scares me. That entire rant sounds psychotic, I promise I'm not crazy.

I just had this thought and I got scared.

What am I going to do? If I'm slipping I don't feel like I did when I sunk away. It feels different. I can't really describe it. But I just don't feel right.

I'm not okay. But I don't feel unsafe. I just feel so off and so out of it.