The Past Four Years

Tomorrow I take my last final of my undergraduate career. Saturday I take that final walk across the stage and receive my diploma.  Four years have gone by so fast. I can still remember being a freshman at orientation, lost and confused and so excited all at the same time. Meeting new people, making new friends. So many possibilities. So many new adventures.  Now, I reach the end of my four year stretch.

I still have unseen possibilities in my future, but I'll have to buckle down. Get a real job, be a "grown up".  I don't know if I'm ready. Sure, I have the ability to go out into the real world and succeed.  It just feels so weird being done.

I have so many things I want to do before I go off into the world and become an "adult". Sure, by standards of other's I am technically an adult. But I feel like I should be doing more things with my life besides going off into the work force.

I'm going back to work at the same place I worked while in high school. Yes, I have my degrees to help bring more to the metaphorical table, but I still feel like a "loser" because I'm working at the same place as I did in high school.

I'm also looking at my grades and my GRE score. Granted, I need to retake the GRE since I didn't do so hot the first time around. I'm not very good at tests. Especially big important tests that can dictate the chance of me getting into grad school. And I can't help but feel like I'm not going to make it into grad school. I mean, I'm not genius and I'm a pretty average student. I've heard the stories, I'm a C student. C students don't flourish in grad school.

This post was supposed to be about the past four years of my life, instead it has turned into a long worrying post about what's to come. I know I'm borrowing flashlights, (the same as making mountains out of mole hills. I just don't want to be a failure in people's eyes. I've worked too damn hard not to make something of myself.

I've been debating on posting this blog because I don't want people to think I'm not grateful for what I've accomplished.  I care what people think. It's almost like a disease. I care too much. I worry too much. But I'm working on it.